Christian Kirksey becomes nudist, will not dress Week 11

CLEVELAND — Browns fans used to seeing Christian Kirksey’s No. 58 on the field each week could be in for a surprise on Sunday against the Jaguars, as the fourth-year linebacker announced he will not dress for the game after becoming a nudist.

“This is something I have thought about for a long time, and I decided it’s time to embrace my beliefs,” said Kirksey during a press conference, where a well-placed podium allowed video to be taken without scarring viewers for life.

Browns head coach Hue Jackson indicated that Kirksey’s situation, while unusual, could present some advantages. He compared it to the free-moving nature of swimmers who shave all their hair off before a race, and also pointed out that opposing players might choose to dive to the ground rather than make contact, potentially saving the Browns defense dozens of yards each week.

The NFL reportedly considered making Kirksey get his number tattooed on his back or write it in Sharpie, but it later decided that it would be pretty obvious which player it is without any extra identification required.